The CV of A Single Pringle

Hi guys!!! I’m literally blushing as I write this, literally. If you’ve been a faithful reader (and I still love you if you haven’t), you’ll know that I have never posted about love and relationships. I avoided it because wasn’t led to do so but today, I feel it’s necessary that I share this with you and I can pray that this finds expression within your heart.

They just started selling plantain and egg in café and my friend and I rushed to buy it when we heard. On getting there, there were people on the queue and we had to wait for a while. While waiting, I realized that all the people on the line were couples except my friend and I. The plantain wasn’t ready, so we had to wait longer and watch those couples be cute to each other. I didn’t even think my friend noticed until she whispered in my ears and we started laughing.

On a normal day, I would feel bad that I was a single pringle but strangely, I found that I was actually content. Other than the fact that it was just a funny situation, I didn’t feel as bothered as I would have before.

I’ve only ever loved one guy and I used to think that that would be it for me. Earlier this year, I got a word from God that I was to go into a season of singleness, devoting my time to him and not a boyfriend. I fought this word for as long as I could. My relationship was finally taking the direction I wanted it to take, how on earth could I leave that? How could I possibly let go? but God kept sending this word to me, that I needed a season to grow in Him and develop myself and I really didn’t need a boyfriend now, I was to trust that when the time came, he would put the right guy in my life. I even had a scripture to back this up,

Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right.
Song of Songs 8:4 NLT

After much doubting, I found that I couldn’t keep arguing with God and I had to end it. Even at that, I still battled within me. I hadn’t totally surrendered and so I tried to help God, rearranging circumstances and scenarios to force God into making me ‘unsingle’ again. I failed terribly and I broke my heart in the process, embarassing myself as well.

You see, I let my fears overshadow the fact that God only wants the best for me. I know most single people face these fears as well. They are:

• The fear of never finding someone

I think this has crossed the minds of most single people. Will I ever find someone? Will there be someone to love? Will I ever find someone that checks all my boxes? This terrified me

• The fear of not being good enough
• The fear that you may be unlovable
• The fear that someone will break your heart

All in all, I’ve learnt that there can only be one solution to these fears:

Total surrender…

This is much more than a concept. It’s the reality that although my will is okay and all, God’s will is greater and must always displace mine in the reactivity table (Do the science kiddos in here get this joke?). I have learnt this the hard way but then all in all God is good because I know he is not punishing me, with love he is giving me the chance to redo it all again and I His love alone is enough to cast out all those fears. Maybe you don’t get… in total surrender, I have discovered that God’s love will always abound and I’m no longer scared

So what’s the CV of a Single Pringle?

Constantly evolving Growth!

It seems simple but is it really? Like, your growth must be growing. You can’t be content with wherever you are and you must push, work harder to become a better person every day. Grow yourself, expand your world, and be content in this season of your life. You may not know why you’re still single but God does and best believe he wants you to work on those things. He wants to work on you, for you are his masterpiece. (Eph 2:10)

This blogpost marks a new season in my life, because now I want to be intentional about my growth as a person. If I’m going to be someone’s girl one day, then I’ll have them thanking God every single moment for bringing me into their lives. That’s how much I will be bringing to the table of my next relationship. I’m not saying that I won’t be a good girlfriend now but I’m saying that there is still a lot of work to be done. I’m still a work in progress, but then aren’t we all? Will you be able to admit that?

The senior pastors at Vous church always emphasize that a waiting season must never be wasted. So now I’ve decided that while passively waiting for my other half, I will be actively chasing after God and growing myself. Last two weeks, I just found out something about God (I’ll share some other time) that I never knew before and I was mind blown. This God I serve has more to him and I have barely skimmed the surface. I think every one of my friends know I long to have a cute life, loving boyfriend that will become a husband and a quiver full of kids. But I wonder if they know that even greater than that longing for a happily ever after is my desire to pursue and please God every day, always serving His interests. I simply wonder.

The best part about being single is that you can grow in your own pace without explanation. I’m not saying people in relationships can’t but you can’t exactly disappear for a personal retreat without explaining to your boy/ girlfriend, can you?

I’m honestly just trying to tell the single guys out there that perhaps singleness isn’t really a bad thing, especially when you’re not looking at it with the world’s lenses. Now everyone is just like “God when?..” (I’m guilty too) but how about “God what?”, “what are you saying to me in this season, what can I do to grow and become a better person, what do you want me to learn from these cute couples before I enter my own relationship” Omo, there are so many lesson all around us but if we keep focusing on the situations instead of the lessons, we’ll never grow.

ASSIGNMENT

Let’s do this assignment together (in my head, I’ve done it but it needs to be put down on paper and now God is telling me to tell you guys to do the same too). I want you to get your journal or even a sheet of paper (if you’re capable of keeping a sheet of paper till the next time you find a babe), make a list of things you need to work on characterwise before you get into a relationship, and things you can do to improve in that area. I’ll give an example, for me I overthink a lot and assume too much. I have to learn how to listen before I start to jump to conclusions. I have to consciously think the highest thoughts of people, before accusing them in my mind of something I haven’t even confirmed. I struggle with confidence issues as well so I’m currently working on my mindset and putting myself out there

For someone here, it may be anger issues or self- absorption, I mean some people can spend hours talking about themselves without even caring to know about the person they’re talking with. Some of y’all do it for your friends, will you now carry that into a relationship? Write them down and start to battle with those issues. See, relationships don’t last because of this character baggage we carry into it. Imagine if you intentionally worked on it.

Also make a list of things of things you want to accomplish in this season of your life. for me, I have a folder of books I must finish reading before I graduate, I have to publish my own books, then there’s this thing of me still being in school. Y’all remember when your mothers told you to face your books and not boys, I’m finally taking that advice, yayyy!!! Also make a list of places you want to visit (if you have money ooo). For the guys especially, please save money so that you will be able to take your babe out on dates she actually deserves! Make this list and make sure you’re someone that checks all your boxes before looking for someone that checks yours.

I hope you all will actually do this assignment with a mind that you’re working to improve yourself, babe or no babe! So do it for yourself and most importantly, do it for your God!

As for me, work has started. I’m going to work hard to become a better me. Then, I’m going to serve God in my singleness and actually remove my mind from all these fears associated with being single. I trust that God knows my heart and he knows that deep down, inasmuch as I want to serve him and live for his glory in my single life, I also want to serve him too with my otherhalf, I want to worship him with someone that even loves Him more than me, I want to one day get married, and raise my children up to do the same thing I’m doing now.

I know he knows all that and I’m too sure that when the time comes, he will give me my heart desires.

Let that be your story too, dear single pringle and don’t forget that even if no one loves you, God does and I do too!!!