I Need To Heal…

Hi lovelies!!! How has the November treated you so far?

The year is coming to an end and tomorrow I’ll be home. Yayyyy!!!

If you’re reading this post, please help me take a few minutes to thank God for my laptop. It was really malfunctioning but now it’s working and just in time for a new blogpost.

The year has been so wonderful and I thank God for it with my whole heart. I’ve learnt a lot and Grown. My word for this year is Growth and when I had this word, it was just Spiritual growth I was talking about. I’ve however discovered that I’ve grown in other areas too: mentally, emotionally, sth-lly (I don’t know the word but I’ve learnt how to manage a home and a business. During the holiday, my mommy took a bow and let me handle almost everything at home and in the shop. It looked like stress before but it led to growth too) and some might even argue I’ve grown physically. Yass

But in all the growing, there has been pain- the pain of unlearning and relearning, the pain of stretching and lastly, the pain of hurt (if that even makes sense). Deep down, I know I’ve been hurt severally but I just pushed it down throughout the year. Yes I’m a very emotional person but this year I ignored all that. You won’t believe it but I started procrastinating my thoughts too. When I’m hurt about something, I’ll be like “I’ll think about it later” and then later, something else comes up and that pain just goes down. There are two types of people- Peacemakers and peacekeepers. I am a peacekeeper and I hate confrontations and this year, I haven’t really confronted situations this year and when I’ve been hurt by something, I’ll just push the pain deeper.

This accumulation of pain started telling on me last week and I felt miserable. I have written a lot in my prayer journal and the psalms have been a great companion as well because when I think of how great David was and I read about his depression and misery in all that, I am comforted because I know his feelings were real and mine are. I’m so grateful he shared those feelings because I know I am not alone. But I’m more grateful because after sharing those feelings, he would always share the solution-God. David never stopped running after God. He knew that although his feelings were real, God is realer. That’s why he could say things like

“Why am I discouraged?

Why is my heart so sad?

I will put my hope in God!

I will praise him again-

My Savior and my God!” Psalm42:11 NLT

Oh! David knew. He knew and I have made a conscious decision to always know that my Hope is in God. Then God has been speaking to me about his love. I read Jonah and I’m currently reading Romans and it has been screaming at me. Because I’ll never lie to you guys, I must admit that there are so many times I’ve struggled to believe that God really loves me. It is sometimes more easy to believe that God loves someone else but harder to believe he loves me. But God had been reminding me constantly that ‘his love begins with no Condemnation and ends with no Separation’ (Nicky Gumbel).

As I go home, I must confront all those situations and things I’ve buried deep down, thinking that if I tried to forget it would all go away. I must talk to people and not keep things bottled up. I must remind myself that God loves me and everybody else the same. I must let that reality dawn on me and let it heal me of all the pain I’ve gone through. I must be intentional about my healing process so I don’t carry any emotional baggage into the New Year. I have to let God do an intense heart work on me.

I need to heal and it’s only God’s love that can do that for me.

I felt I needed to share this with someone today. Someone needs to heal from some things that have caused you pain. You cannot, I repeat, you cannot carry that pain to 2020. As we approach the last month of the year, be intentional about this healing process to allow more room from growth. Let the reality of God’s love dawn on you and lead you to get your healing.